Singleness: An Interview With My Friend Krysta

Today, I am going to be posting my questions for my friend Krysta, and her answers about her walk with singleness, and how it led up to her marriage to Wesley. Krysta and I have been friends for quite awhile. I’ve known her family since I was nine (seven years ago!), and she and I became good friends a few years ago. I’ve had the amazing privilege of getting to photograph her and her now husband Wesley several times, and I even got to photograph their wedding! I am SO glad she agreed to do this with me, and I’m super excited about it! Without further ado, here’s what Krysta has to say!

Question #1: How did you and Wesley meet, and how long have you been married?

I have to give a little preface to the story first. A year before I met Wesley, I felt challenged to give up looking for my husband for a year. I was not going to flirt, date, or daydream (even though I was 18 and it was going to be perfectly acceptable now). I wanted to intentionally focus on God and using my single years productively. I finished that year-of-the-no-boys in December of 2018, holding true to it thanks to help from accountability like my mom and best friend. I met Wesley just two months later!

Wesley and I met at a birthday party that I was hosting for a friend. Here is where it gets a little complicated… The birthday girl invited a guy friend who then invited Wesley. After the birthday party, everyone went to a Super Bowl party at our church. Then, the guy friend started a small group Bible study that we both joined. We got to know each other more and more in the weeks to follow. And, we have been married just three months now! I know, such a small time, but it feels like we have been married for years already.

Question #2: Have you always known you wanted to get married someday?

1000 times YES!!!! Since I was like three years old (no joke), I wanted my very own husband. I not so patiently waited for my handsome prince charming to sweep me off my feet in a horse drawn carriage riding into the sunset. Anyone relate? I might have been a little too eager at a little too young of an age. But as I got older… there became a real, godly desire to become a wife. I saw a lot of value and blessing in marriage. While there is nothing wrong with a God given desire to be a wife and helpmeet, like anything, it can become an idol.

Question #3: What were some of your struggles that you had during your time of singleness?

Oh boy, you got to the heart of it on this question. I can think of three struggles that I faced in my singleness. First of all, I had a very hard time waiting on God. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. It was a very selfish mentality. I would, at times, get upset with God that I had no romantic prospect in my upper teen years. Secondly, I thought that my husband would just magically appear and fix all my problems. I thought that he would be the answer to conflict with parent, siblings, and even God. It came back to a heart issue I had with God about not fulfilling this overwhelming desire when I wanted Him to. Third, I felt hopeless. I remember dramatically flopping myself on the bed, Disney princess style, and crying that I would be an old maid for the rest of my life (or at least until I reached the ancient age of 30 *eyeroll*).

Question #4: What are some things that helped you through it?

The main thing that helped me through is God’s Word. My favorite verse for times of impatience was “Wait on the Lord, be of good courage; and He will strengthen thy heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14. I had to remind myself that I was still young and that God had His hand over everything. The bottom line of all my struggles was that I wasn’t trusting God with my future. I wanted to have all the say so. God also put a lot of godly women in my life, like my mom and grandma, to help put things in perspective in the grand scheme of things. Another life saver was Christian women podcasts and blogs like Revive Our Hearts and Girl Defined.

Question #5: Are there some lies you believed about why you didn’t have a boyfriend when you were single?  (i.e. I’ll never find someone, etc.) 

I believed a lot of lies! I felt like I would never find someone because I wasn’t pretty enough. I thought that maybe I was too awkward or weird. I toyed with the idea that I was too talkative and outgoing. I was unsure if wanting to stay pure was scaring off potential suitors. Pretty much any lie Satan could throw my way, I fell for at some point.

Question #6: If so, is there something that helped you debunk these lies?

You know, I just had to come to the point of realization that the man I one day wanted to marry was going to love me not just in spite of my “flaws” (physical or other) but because of them. An example is I was SUPER conscious about my big toes. I know, I know. It is ridiculous, right? But I was born with them a little crooked. I wouldn’t wear open toe shoes, and if I did, I was very aware of anyone who might be looking at my feet. Then, my husband, Wesley, came along. Turns out when I told him I was insecure about my toes, he chuckled and showed me his. He also was born with crooked big toes!!! Now, I love it. It is like our trademark. But, whether I thought I was pretty or not, weird or not, or anything else, I had to remind myself that I wanted my future husband to love me for who I am, not who I felt I needed to be.

Question #7: What are some of the lessons you learned when you were single?

Towards the end of my single years, I wanted to be more intentional with my singleness. I knew that it had a purpose. So, during this season, I dedicated a lot of my time to volunteering and God’s work. I knew that I wouldn’t have as much free time once I was married. I got involved in a lot of ministries at my church and even outreaches outside of my church. Also, I used this time to really try to grow closer to God and work on my character. If I wanted a really godly man, I needed to be a godly woman myself.

Question #8: What are some of the qualities you were looking for in a future spouse when you were younger? 

So, I actually made several lists throughout the years. I would update them ever so often. There was a LOT I prayed and looked for!! I wasn’t afraid to be specific either. I remember praying that God would send me a husband who was a little jealous …. but not overly jealous to the point of controlling … but also would sometimes act on it in a protective way … but not go overboard … but it would still be there. However, while I had preferences, I was looking for a few really important things to me. Those were that he actively had and sought a deeper relationship with God, that he would not be afraid to be a leader, that he would love me for who I am, and that he would be very loyal. And you know what? God answered EVERY SINGLE ONE of my important things. I think the only thing I didn’t get that I asked for was that he was homeschooled. But, he still wants to homeschool our children, so yeah, still say I got what I wanted!

Question #9: Did you ever consider just settling for whatever guy came along? If so, was it worth waiting for the right guy to come along, and not just settling?

Unfortunately, yes. There were many times I felt a little boy crazy, especially in my young and mid teenage years. I felt like so much of my worth and identity was wrapped up in whether I had a boyfriend or not. I started feeling desperate. But, I knew that would get me nowhere and eventually end up hurting myself and my future husband. So, I remember praying that God would keep guys away that were not going to be good for me, because I felt that I was very weak. And guess what? He did! Now, I had to do my part too. I tried to guard my heart, emotions, and words. BUT… when my husband did finally come along, all the tears and efforts and hard work paid off!! It was COMPLETELY worth it!!! We both had saved our first kiss for each other. I was his first real girlfriend, and he was my first real boyfriend. We both didn’t want to just get into relationships for the fun of it, so we ended up having a lot of firsts together (which was really sweet).

Question #10: What are some things you learned about yourself when you were single? Did being single help shape you in a positive way?

I learned that I needed to trust God more. I realized that I was weak in my faith and needed to grow it. My heart was in my future, not in God and what He had for me at that time. I am grateful now for the wait I had in which I grew my relationship with God, my family, friends, and even myself. Choosing to be intentional in my singleness allowed me to look back and smile, knowing that I used that season in a God-honoring way, even if I wouldn’t necessarily want to go back to it.

Question #11: What is some advice you have for single girls out there who are very impatient or excited to find Mr. Right or for girls struggling in their time of singleness?

To you girls who dream of Mr. Right, who desire to be a wife, who want to feel loved by a man, who try hard to get that guy’s attention, who live in the future, and/or who feel hopeless romantically, just rest. Rest in our Father. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything [including those desires and longings] with prayer and supplication make your requests made known to God.” Philippians 4:6-7. Surrender all of your worry, anxiety, despair, sadness, hopelessness, and impatience to the One who can give peace, true love, joy, purpose, happiness, and endurance. I can’t promise that you will get married young like or even get married at all. But what I can promise, through God, is that if you are seeking and following Him, you will be fulfilled and satisfied. That is not to say you will never think of marriage again, but it won’t be that same all-consuming need you have now. It will be a sweet joy of what might come.

Question #12: What are some things you’ve learned since getting married? Is marriage all you hoped it would be growing up?

My goodness, marriage is just one big classroom, especially right now, for me. I have learned so much about myself. Marriage truly brings out your best and worst! Some key things I’ve learned is that problems aren’t just magically fixed once you find your Mr. Right. Who would have guessed, right? Another thing is that marriage takes three: God, my husband, and me. Keep God at the center! I have also learned that communication is pivotal. You have to talk things out. Your marriage will be much easier if you talk things out, even if the issue seems trivial or obvious. Practice that now with your parents. Trust me, it will help!

Marriage is more than I hoped it would be. And not just because I have a man who can still give me butterflies. Once you are married, if you wait for the godly man God has for you I might add, it is such a glorious picture of Christ and His church. I see the way Wesley loves me and can understand more deeply how much God loves me. I see how Wesley wants to know about my desires and what I have to say. How much more my Creator longs to hear my voice and pleas. Wesley takes care of my needs to the best of his ability. How much more my perfect Father will provide. The list could go on and on. In the end, it is simply sweetly beautiful!

Question #13: Is there anything else you’d like to add that I didn’t cover above?

Dig into some books about marriage that will help you prepare for your husband. Some of my favorites that really helped me are Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally, And the Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh, Of Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliott, and Woman the Completer by Dr. Jack Hyles.

And also … There is no such thing as Mr. Right, only Mr. Right-for-You. No man is perfect; don’t put the weight of that standard that on your future husband.

I loved reading Krysta's responses to my questions, and her answers helped me in several different ways! I struggle with singleness very frequently, and knowing that other people have the EXACT SAME struggles that I do really helps me.

Thank you SO MUCH for reading this post! I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think!

-Kyra

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